Parenting is no easy road. Everyone has its own experiences to share and advice. There is a growing awareness in society that many social problems are the result of inadequate parenting education; parents are not automatically equipped to cope with the challenges of child rearing with so many social,technological,financial,behavior,emotional and mental changes etc. This problem got worse even with the increased numbers of mothers working outside the home, increased rates of divorce, greater distances from extended family, increased involvement with electronic media, and more overloaded family schedules etc.
Impact of Technology and Media : Mobile addiction is encroaching the mind of youngster and the chunk part of their energy is being consumed by it. Now in these days,the maximum world of children is limited to 7 inches screen only. Even if there are four or five members in family, everyone has its own world confined to mobile screen without paying heed to the social and emotional needs of each other. In another words, living under single roof, everyone is busy in its own virtual life. The use of mobile and media is meant for information and communication. The access use of it, gives way to addiction. Addiction of mobile effects the physical,emotional and mental health of children. Scientifically, Mobile creates micro programming, giving temporary pleasure to the users as it produces Dopamine in our mind. With due course of time, the demand of Dopamine receptors starts multiplying and this process creates different types of disorders in Human behavior like ; aggression, depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies etc.
Worries of Parents; All of these changes can make the job of parenting more challenging.But the most common questions popping up in the mind of parents are; What’s most important for children to learn? How and where does learning happen? How can parents put their best foot forward to support their children’s learning and growth?How can we get success for our wards? How to protect them from bad influences?
We, as parents, pay maximum attention towards the formal learning and futuristic goals of children, forgetting their natural talents, emotional quotients and ethical values. We force our children to excel in class, we put them in blind race of marks and grade system. Education or Knowledge is above marks and grade. Let me quote the Abraham Lincoln’s letter to his son’s teacher in which he asks teacher to teach his son;
How to see the versatilities of the world,to recognize the real face of people,how to be honest preferring get fail to succeed with cheat,how to face defeat with grace and enjoy the victory,how to stay happy while coping with sadness and steering away from envious. He also asks teacher to teach his son the mystery of Universe,values of books and importance of faith in himself etc.
Let’s us introspect what we prefer for our kids to be taught.
Tips FOR Parenting: Children are not our property just because we give birth to them. Children come through us; not for us. Every child is special, gifted with some kind of natural talent. We often commit blunder with our over intervention, overfeeding, and overexpectations etc.
Comparison or Competition : We should avoid comparing our child with other one as every child is unique and special. Instead sincere efforts should be done in finding natural traits of our wards. No two children are alike, differences are there and will be. Someone excel in study, other one can be creative, artist, good player also. So what we are to do; is to accept the child as its without putting pressure on it. Don’t put your child in cut throat competition as this process make your child selfish and haughty.
Results v/s Efforts: A kid is evaluated with Its results by parents and teacher, if result is good, child is applauded or awarded and with weak result, he or she is scolded, punished or even we don’t hesitate to put label on child. The whole process is psychological wrong, we should evaluate our children with their efforts saying, “Beta, your efforts are praiseworthy or you can do better even if you do more efforts etc.” This is positive approach.
Acceptance v/s Rejection: Accept your child the way he or she is, even with its flaws. When we criticize our kids on any ground, they seek the acceptance of same in their peer group and this process creates a rift between parents,teacher and kids that keeps on widening with due course of time. With continue rejection either by parents or teachers, children become rebellion and they start taking us their enemies. Teenagers go to their friends with their problems and they avoid discussing with their parents. So very tender and sensitive approach is required to deal with the area as; if we feel our child is wrong, instead of putting label or scolding, counter him or her lovingly with logic.
Logic v/s Aggression: If we know that our children are going astray or doing wrong, the best way to tackle the situation is to stay calm and use logic because with aggression we become unstable ending in bitter relationship. With balance approach, we can be able to understand their problem in better way and guide them properly.
Understanding v/s Authority: As earlier said that children are not our property; they are living being like us. We need to understand our children in their true spirits and we should avoid behaving authoritatively.
Need v/s Wish: Need can be fulfilled but wish can’t. We create disturbance while becoming the financier of our children. Practically, Even a rich can’t meet the wishes of his or her wards.
Success v/s Happiness: As we go through the letter of Abraham Lincoln to his son’s teacher, we find what a true father wish for his son. This is very inspiring letter for teachers and parents. At the cost of children’s happiness, success is just a mechanical producing anxiety,depression,disorders and stress etc.
Let’s find the true world of our children with positive, sensitive and balanced approach discarding the negative tools like putting labels,authoritative behavior, overcare,pampering, over intervention, over questioning, comparison with others etc. Child is priviledge, we can give birth to body not to life. There may be difference of thoughts between parents, teachers and children, this is the beauty of life, we should accept it. Ups and downs are part of life, we should avoid showing our kids the bright side of it only.
Now in these days we are living a virtual life in our gadgets. We should detoxify our routine while sparing valuable time for our kids or children. Let’s hug our children with their flaws to guide them through lovingly. This is need of hour and this is what we can give to the society.
Looking forward to your valuable comments to improve my thoughts….
Harjasbir Singh (Principal)